Bigfoot

Dear Big-footed Persons,

Do you realize how much I must love and care for you in order to make you socks? I mean have you really thought about it? No, of course not. You don’t knit. Why would you consider your foot size as a factor in how much I care for you.

Well let me explain. You see, I come from a family of small-footed individuals. One skein of sock yarn…is usually enough to make 2 mid-calf socks for a size 5 footed person, then there is STILL yarn left over to make ankle length socks for my size 6 foot! It’s wonderful!

However when someone of say…a size 9 comes along….and is worthy of having their feet clad in wooly sock goodness…it takes quite a toll on a knitter. Not only do you have a larger and longer foot…but your calf is usually slightly more robust than those of us with properly sized feet. Larger dimensions mean more stitches. More stitches mean more yarn. More yarn means I end up at the toe of sock #1, almost out of yarn, trying it on a similar large-footed person, and realizing I need to knit a good two more INCHES to make this sucker fit!!!!!!

That is insane. I now have to rip back the ENTIRE FOOT AND HEEL of your FREAKING CHRISTMAS SOCK!!!!!!

AND WE ARE ONLY ON SOCK ONE HERE, PEOPLE!!!!!!

I’m on sock #1 and at the END OF THE SKEIN. I bought two skeins. Because…well you have two feet. BUT I DID NOT BUY THREE SKEINS IN PREPARATION FOR YOUR EXTREMITIES OF GARGANTUAN PROPORTIONS!!!!

This is what makes knitters go batshit crazy at Christmas. Why I love this person enough to knit them socks…is the only thing that keeps me going. This person fed and housed me at one point. They kept me from having to deal with the stresses of my mother (I love her, but living together = nuclear war), the stresses of financial problems, and going absolutely insane in general. Also…this person appreciates a warm foot. I know that they will love these socks. I also trust this person to not felt the damn sock once I have spent an ungodly amount of time working on this little terrorist in yarn.

So, in conclusion, if I’m knitting you socks, either shrink your foot, or be thankful I love you this much and didn’t come at you glassy eyed with extra-sharp DPN’s.

Love and snuggles,

-KP

(Sidenote, 1 skein of Aslan Trends only makes a mid-calf sock for sizes 7 and under. Learned this.)

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5 thoughts on “Bigfoot

  1. Very funny! I have one thing to say – DK weight yarn and size 3 needles. Also – I was just at my daughter’s house and found the socks I knit her last Christmas out of HANDSPUN – felted. She says she can still wear them. I told her she’d better.

  2. Sorella – OH I can’t even imagine how much yarn that would take. Hope he’s ok with no yummy wool socks.

    Elizabeth – That’s tragic. Oh my gosh. And I’m mildly concerned that my mom felted the ones I made her. Haha, reverse issue!

    Sis – No. You get the HP book we agreed on. Next year remind me around June that you want socks. You have my-sized feet, you may have socks.

  3. Pingback: Sock-a-holic’s Anonymous « TheKnitterInPink

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